I am not a queen, and that is okay

IMG_3948Hi friends,

Happy Thursday! This is going to be a little bit of a rant but not quite. For a long while I have been frustrated with people calling themselves kings and queens, more emphasis on the queen. I will be sharing why being labeled as a queenis problamatic.

It is a means of controlling women

This whole queen business, I believe is just another form of controlling women in society. I think in recent years,  we’ve got to a place where women are abandoning the whole notion of the “good girl” vs “bad girl” thing and genuinely started being themselves. Speaking up for them selves, finding sexual liberty, going after male-dominated career fields, demanding more, etc… women were no longer being controlled by the desrie to be a “good girl” and adhering to the means of which to become one. Then rose this whole notion of being a queen, this provided a way for people to have authority over women and how they should behave. So now what we have are women not living out their lives how they like but following some sort of guidelines so they could be called queens.

Who doesn’t want to called by a good name?.

where there is queenship, there is kingship. I’m not too concerned about what goes on in the homes of others, in regards to who is the leader and who isn’t. That isn’t what I am talking about here, if your partner is your king at home, by all means let it be. The problem is random men asserting their kingship on women they do not know from anywhere by dictating how a woman should conform to be a queen.

encourages competion among women

Referring back to my previous point, this whole notion of being a queen is really just another form of the “good girl” vs. “bad girl” idea that we all know so well.

My last book review was a book called LUCKY, in the book, Alice was raped. She kept referring to the fact that she was a good girl because she wa a virgin before she was raped and further went on to discuss how her being a “good girl” helped her win the case. It also gained her sympathy from the police officers who were on the case. I couldn’t believe she was saying that but it is the absolute truth. supposed “good girls” are always winning!

Similarly there is competition between “queens” and “others” where queens are deem worthy of respect, kindness, and are treated with value. But people who aren’t considered “queens” get treated with disdain. I have seen memes and Instagram posts of both men and women stating something along the lines of… “if you act like a queen, he wouldn’t disrespect you.” I’ve seen people putting up pictures of fully clothed woman next to barely clothed woman and labeling the one with more clothes on as the queen #thisishowaqueendresses. Now we have women judging each other referring to some as queens, others not. Honestly no one is queen, this type of competition is wasted energy. this brings me to my next point…

promotes the idea of unworthiness

The truth is we are naturally worthy of being treated decently by people. The even bigger truth is, you are not royalty.hahaha. Obviously there are some people whohail from a royal background but we aren’t speaking of queens in the technical way. All jokes aside, the bigger truth is, people are valuable within themselves and should be treated as such. Treating someone with kindness and respect shouldn’t be based on basic decisions they make like how much clothes they put on their body or choices they make in regards to how and who they date. You are worthy because you are human. You are enough because you are human. Your worth doesn’t come from being labeled as a queen. You are who you are, and that is enough.

How do you feel about being called a queen?


God might lead me on the wrong path


To the best of my memory, I have never really asked the question, “what is my purpose?” or “God, what is Your will for me?” I have planned my life by myself along with other people that I’ve wanted to please, but I have never included God. I naturally assume that God will work with me in whatever decision I make. I thought the Almighty God would work with MY decisions, MY path, MY choices, MY will. With everything I’ve done, I’ve always thought, God would meet me, I’ve never asked God to lead. Even when it come to dating in the past, I thought I got to pick the guy AND THEN God would mold him to be the right guy for me. My brain never thought to ask God to select the guy for me. Silly brain! IMG_3950

Weeks ago, before I went to bed, I felt so empty and unfulfilled in so many areas of my life. My decisions felt empty, my thoughts felt empty, my heart felt empty. I kept repeating to myself, this can’t be it, this isn’t the life the Lord of my life wants for me. I’m not sure what I think God’s plans are for me but I am certain that it isn’t a life of emptiness. My church is going through this FULLY ALIVE campaign, 3 weeks in and I’ve never felt emptier. It’s one thing for things to be bad but unsettling to feel great emptiness. At least with bad things, there is hope because “fixing” is possible due to being able to pinpoint what the problem is. With emptiness, there is nothing to point to, because there is nothing there, the space is bare and open. IMG_3948

I’ve been scared to ask God about the plans He has for me because I think He might send me on this crazy, difficult path that I am not ready for or simply don’t want to embark on. This maybe against the Christian norm, but I haven’t given God absolute control because I am afraid He might choose the wrong road. Nice! What a way to question the God i just referred to as Lord of my life. But this is my truth. I am afraid. IMG_3936IMG_3938

Really think about anyone you know who have completely let go, and let God. These people’s stories started out easy and comfortable but most of them are now in some remote village without electricity preaching the word or church planting. Some of them had to give up lucrative jobs and abandon their lavish lifestyle to serve in the youth ministry at church or go teach in dangerous communities and support children who are struggling academically. I’m not about no hard life!no thank you! I’m afraid that God will do that to me. Do I sound ridiculous yet? Can I officially declare this space, no judgment zone? I don’t want the work, but I want the joy and fulfillment they’ve found allowing God to have absolute control over their lives. Which leads me to this… IMG_3942

lately, I’ve been asking God about His will for me and for Him to use me in anyway. I want a Christ-like purpose. This is not the part I say my life has changed since I asked that question. This is not that kind of story, but I hope for it to be just that SOON. At this point I’m doing what most Christians do when we know we don’t know what to do with the free will God has given us. When we realize we cannot control our lives, that it is too much of a task and so we loosen our grip just a little on the rope that is holding up our lives and just ask God to help us or just lead us. I chose the phrase loosen our grip instead releasing because I am not there yet. But that is okay. Tomorrow maybe different and I may sing “I surrender all,” but that isn’t the case today. I still feel the emptiness. But I know God knows the depths of my heart and knows that I am working on releasing, but on till then, I know God is helping me and is guiding me, so I’m loosing in my grip.

How is life going for you?

a few things from today

  • I am having the struggle of all struggles finishing up my blog posts. I will have this great idea, begin writing it and then in the middle of it, I abandon it. I have about 10 drafts like that just from last week. It is so frustrating.
  • Work is such a drag. I do not have much to do, actually, I have nothing to do. but my contract with this job ends in July, so I have began searching for a new job. I can say I have easily applied to 20 jobs. I haven’t received any call backs or interviews. rejections and no response. This was the cycle of 2016, I definitely do not want a repeat.
  • I cannot account for anything from the last 3 weeks, everything has been a blur. I’m not sure what I’ve done, I’m not sure how life is going, it feels like I am sleeping through all 2017 and they are flying by. I really want something to change this year. I know we are only in the 3rd month but still…
  • I want a new blog name. I Write What I like is the title of book by Steve Biko, so I don’t think I can keep it permanently or I should keep it. I’m having the hardest time coming up with something, I wanted to use my name but I’m not sure if i want something else not associated with my name.
  • My small group has literally been my life source these few weeks. God really took me there.
  • I’ve been praying a lot about purpose and what it means for me. I hate having these thoughts because to me, it feels as though everything I’ve done so far could mean nothing if my purpose isn’t aligned with what I already have going on. I can’t take it!
  • I am always sleepy!

how did you come up with the name for your blog? how is your monday going?